How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
