Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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