Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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