yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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