Have you finally orgasmed yet?
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Randomize
