even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
