Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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