I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
