Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
