I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
