am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize