Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
