I wish I could teleport
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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