Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
