I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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