I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
