I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Can you repeat that, but with context?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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