just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
