remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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