i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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