apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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