then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
