video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
