so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
