No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
