just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Randomize
