you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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