i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I forget how to act sober
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
