she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
