I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
