omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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