He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
