They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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