do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Randomize
