Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Randomize
