Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize