I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
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