You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
