Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
