My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
you will always have a special place in my vag
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
