i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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