he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
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