you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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