i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
My bed smells like the plague
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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