i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
