he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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