when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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