Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
