we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
how drunk are you?
Several
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
