I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
They should really pass out barf bags in church
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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