Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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