Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
