I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
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