I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
