I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize