I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
