There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
