You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
