I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
