remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
