it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
