So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
