perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I'm at about main and main street
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
i think my cat just said my name.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
