I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
that's an acceptable place to lick
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
