Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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