I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
